That is why certainty plagues us everywhere we go. Forever in our ear; that thing telling us to "be careful ", "are you sure". We need to be sure and not that only that we need 100 % certainty. Certain of every move, shift, glance, direction we make before we make it; Otherwise lo and behold we will go no further; cross our hands and stamp our feet until we a "guaranteed".
In the animal kingdom no move is certain But making no move is going to get you killed. As the elephant ponders where to go to next to find food, he/she is certain the food at the present location is not adequate for their herd but there is no guarantee that the grass will be greener on the other side (figuratively speaking). Making a decision and moving may even get them killed. But standing still will DEFINITELY get them killed; so they move. See the "do or die" quanandrum in our world is lost Lost because If one avenue gives us doubt we are guaranteed of certainty round the corner. In fact we would rather look for certainty, a brand name, guaranteed quality stamp, lifetime warantees and that paved road.........rather than dive in to the deep end of the unknown nameless shop at the end of that dark alley. Why hang unbalanced in the unknown when you can hop from one sure footed rock to the next" sure thing"? But every life needs stories And the unknown is where all, the magic happens, all the juice and the freshness, the excitement, the fear and the vulnerability lies in the inbetweens where we fear to tread. Jump sometimes Run down that scary alley tread the un-trodden path Stop seeking definition Mould and move like an amoebae exposed and vulnerable to the world Balance on the precipice where your heart beats faster and look down; staring your fear right in the eye and smile Then crawl back Into your hard shell of certainty Cocooned in your four walls and your numbered days and calculated life plans Remember the moments and smile em....
0 Comments
The "Why are you relvenant card"
It is said to be the epitome of success and the great sign of purpose and direction when your in the middle of a seemingly important networking conversation and they asks "Do you have a business card?" You smile try to look casual as you take it out of a fancy card holder thing. Then present this miniature card explaining your identity and your place in society. Sort of like a " why are you relevant card". I've been through my fair share of cards, always getting excited about a conference/meeting where i'd be able to share them and in my eagerness printing out 100. Then I only end up giving out 1 and a half cards. One card I force feed the last person I talk to by pushing them into a corner by saying "here's my card", the half is putting it into the bowl (Which doesn't actually count) Then the next time I need them I've changed my identity and how I want the world to see me so I design a new set and the cycle continues. It ends now I have decided to print different kind of business card:
If Someone wants to get in touch they just have to remember my name not my relevance in society.Join the movement! Ditch your self-prescribed tags and rebel against labels!! em ..:) When your backed into a corner with tears streaming down your face.
Worship Him. When you are on your knees , beaten down by the world; Do not ask for anything but just worship Him. When your tired of all the questions you don't have answers to, all the words you cant say and explanations you don't believe . When you cant give of yourself anymore and have no space within to take anything in, Walk away and don’t look back. Walk away singing His praises with your arms raised high in surrender. Cry with worship , scream your gratitude, ignore the brokenness within until it is replaced with love for Him. Let go whatever is gripping you tight and whatever is holding you until you can no longer see the light in life. When you feel dead or numb whisper your love for Him, Stop asking, crying and blaming and judging. In that dark corner run, sprint or even crawl into your safe place in His arms and sing his praises. When the rain within is louder than the rainbows. Worship in the light and in the dark , worship on the stage and in the closet. Don't speak, don’t listen just praise. Jut praise. em I have lived alone for the past 5 years but in January 2016 I moved in with my twin sister. See when you are alone you can over engineer life because you control everything; it gives you power and self assurance and I thought that was enough but I was wrong. its been fun, confusing, frustrating, peaceful and all other emotions combined but I've learnt a lot the most important being that whatever I do I should always choose love.
Me and my twin are very different but similar( if that is a thing) She is bubbly and loving and full of joy and her default is love. I know you know those kind of people where love is automatic. I'm almost the exact opposite. Not saying that I am a mean person, I am more skeptical, cautious, less adventurous , trusting in a calculated way. I know you know people like me too; love is a math equation. Its like she has simple and clear view of life based on love that helps her make decisions and trust easily, But I have on these glasses that filter everything based on reason and the past and the future. It is sometime very frustrating but I cant turn it off. But the biggest mistake I've made in life is trying to turn off my personality Its like trying to turn off salt inside food that is already cooked. I've been fearfully and wonderfully made and all the ingredients are already in here. If I keep tinkering in my human machine ill mess it up then i'd go to the manufacturer to get fixed and he would just, "Restore to factory settings". Then I would go through it all over again. Anyway that is besides the point I love on a clock, conditionally and with terms and conditions and slowly living with my sister has helped me break down the barrier and smash through the lens in my glasses so I can see clearer and be happier. So love with no fine print. Let it go. ..em..:) Don't you sometimes feel like you are living in this movie and everything is sort of pulling you and dragging you forward into a future you have created in your head.
What if you could pause this movie? AND when you do pause you have to pause it forever. Would you pause this very moment you are in now? If yes, why ? Is it because your in a happy place , a place of fulfillment? Or is it because you are in a space where you no longer care about this thing called life? This living thing has escaped and defeated you and left you empty of feeling and expectations. If your answer is no. Then when would you freeze it? When would you know you've made it to the point in the movie of your life where you want to stop and move on to what ever the next thing is? Where is this place you'd like to freeze? Is it in the past or in a prescribed future. Prescribed by society or yourself. Why aren't you happy now? Why cant you pause now? Don't worry these questions are not for you but for me. My subconscious is piling them up in my head right now and I have no clear answers to any of them. I live in a crazy society where I am always moving forward and if I am not moving I am being pushed and pushed and pushed and pulled by demands and expectations and deadlines and things "I should have done by this age" dogma. Our generation is drowning in a sea of self -given and society-driven ideals and scenarios that are simply exasperating. So we keep going and going and going like a machines with no off buttons. AAaah Sometimes I get so frustrated with my own race. I just want to be happy with where I am now . And on most days I am but there is always this program running in the background saying, "This is not where i'm meant to be", " work harder , you should be greater"," you will be greater".. etc It keeps reminding me that now is not enough, But when will it be enough? I'm happy, i'm peaceful ,i'm stable and yet this is not it. Then what is? em |