I just woke up and said, “ Screw it!”. I was burnt out; again. This happens so often that I even know when I’m at the end of my rope. It’s the day I wake up after 9 hours of sleep and I’m still tired. This modern life really is a trap. A never-ending cycle of colourless days; one after the other after the other. We work like mind-less drones programmed to help society run itself to the ground.
We really do live ridiculous lives Or let me speak for my-self, I’m ridiculous. Obliviously connecting the days with 4 hours of sleeping in the pursuit of success and happiness. Running my race at full speed and when I turn and look at the bleachers I see my family, my friends and the entire society (including the gardener and Oprah) cheering me on. Then I put my head down and run harder ignoring my worn out shoes and my engine light flashing red. But not today! Today I shut down my systems and went in for service. I woke up with the midday sun Thought about nothing, dismissed my problems and stayed in bed till hunger got me crawling out in search of food. Then returned under the covers; watched something meaning-less and let my mind get brainwashed by endless Facebook news feeds and YouTube videos. Then slept some more. The sleep was delicious. I would fall sleep then wake up and stare around like a baby; lost in semi-slumber, unsure where I was but utterly satisfied and then just fall asleep again. It was deep, heart cleansing, soul lifting rem-sleep with vivid dreams and brightly coloured flying emotions. Today was a breath of cold, fresh mountain air; I felt pure oxygen course through my veins as my lungs filled with energy. Today I remembered something I keep forgetting or conveniently ignoring. I’m not just a life. I’m meant to live. What I learnt A weekday Sabbath is golden I refute the notion that our Sabbaths should be on a Sunday; everyone is free so everywhere I go; everyone is there. Saturday is also not ideal for rest; it always somehow feels like an extension of my work week and a day to do chores at home. This time I paused life on a Wednesday. It was beautiful. There was wide spread silence in the city while people were busy clicking away at their stations. I got to choose my silence or my noise; whether internal or external. There was no one so there was nothing to hide, nowhere to hide. It was just me, me and me. It’s a scary place but the most honest place there is. Here I can ask myself the hard questions and if I don't have the answers that’s ok. Rest in solitude The constant presence of people in our lives deprive us of peace and rest. At least that is true for me. There is nothing wrong with people (I’m a people person) but in most social scenarios we have to have running subtitles to explain everything that we do; which is exhausting. My gooodness! We basically have to have a user’s manual to even walk down the corridor. My week-day Sabbath meant I was resting alone and hence free to really rest in my own way, my own pace and in my own space. I am not advocating for a sloth-full life Or a careless one; neither am I discarding my go-getter super woman attitude to life. This is just a reminder (for you and me) that you've got to stop and do some maintenance work some time or you'll run your machine to the ground physically, mentally and spiritually. Mindless, zombie drones can really be a nuisance to society. Stop, Breathe, sleep and smell the pineapples. What do you have to lose? em...:)
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.........."I’m mad at you. Both of you.
I sometimes pretend to be happy and jovial if saying what is really on my mind will not help you, me or the world. But now it is getting too much. I feel like pretending is not helping you or me In fact it’s making everything worse. I’m going to say it as simply and plainly as I can. Domino effect Imagine three dominoes lined up. If you tap any of the dominoes in any direction all the others will fall. Now imagine these dominoes are levels:
You two are different, You have vision and dreams and always talk about great things and great people. You love excellent work and that love should be used as a fuel. I’m not saying to change your ways or get serious and depressed and abandon who you are, all I’m saying is that be wary of this domino effect, analyse your goals and reasons and figure out what it is your doing. Because even if it is not frustrating you, it is frustrating me. There is a saying: “Practise doesn’t make perfect. Practise makes permanent” I’m not saying to be perfect. Hell, I don’t want to be perfect my-self, I’m not even good yet and I know I won’t be good for a long long time. I’ve accepted that and I’m taking it head on. We all know our present environment has very low standards. The bar is almost non-existent and very few people around are actually trying; So you have to set your own pace and create your own definition of what is "good". Stop settling for less. My point is simply this: You are acting mediocre and lazy when I know you’re not. And I want to know why. ............" em “Let me tell you something. I’m giving you the key to life right now, listen closely. The keys to life are Running and Reading” ...Will smith
Don't deny it , we all know he’s right. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-08M7JpLpl4) Running When you’re running , there is a little voice whispering in your ear telling you to stop, telling you this is too hard, and that your heart going to jump out of our chest. This voice is weak, scared and lazy. It sits at the lowest point in your effort and the most coziest chair in your comfort zone. It wants you to quit, slow down, take it easy and take another day off. If you can learn to master this voice and ignore it when you need to then you can overcome anything. Reading Everything that has ever been and will ever be has been done before. Fortunately all of life problems and its beautiful colors has been written about in books and talked about in documentaries. So fret not, the manual for this journey can be found in the footsteps of those who’ve already traveled this way. Read and delve into the secrets of the universe and you will soon discover there is nothing new under the sun. Fearlessness I believe in one other secret and that is sheer fearlessness. What are you afraid of? What is the worst that can happen? What is the best that can happen? Does it even matter? Fear cripples our minds from thinking big, cripples our feet from running that extra mile and holds us back from forging ahead. Go forth and splash all your energy all over the world. Show up, give it all you’ve got and leave with a bang. Why not? Tomorrow is not yet here and yesterday is long gone. Have the courage to follow every single one of your dreams and listen to your gut; it’s a lot braver than your reason.Be free, open, conscious and alive to every moment you are in. Feel the fear and do it anyway! em Michel Quoists words can move even the hardest of mountains lodged within our souls. I was almost in tears after reading just the first line:
I have fallen, Lord, Once more. I can’t go on, I’ll never succeed. I am ashamed, I don’t dare look at you. I heard this excerpt in a sermon by Ravi Zacharias(a great speaker to the skeptical heart: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QeZdVW8CpLM) I immediately searched for this man online and found a treasure trove of goodies for the cleansing of our modern burdened souls. Sin is sin This prayer is not just for the believers but for all who sin. Which is all of mankind. From the priest to the prostitute to the saint and the pope. We all sin. Whether in mind, heart or out loud. Sin is not classified by society or clarified by our own judgements; sin is turning away from God. This prayer is about a place where we cannot repent because we are not able to look God in the eye.We have all been there more than once or twice and even more than we know. Quoist calls it as it is, this sin we coat in sugary sweetness and modern excuses. "This sin that I selected the way a customer makes his purchase, This sin that I have paid for and cannot return, for the shopkeeper is no longer there, This tasteless sin, This odorless sin, This sin that sickens me, That I have wanted but want no more" Sin is an addiction He exclaims about our inability to run away from the sin. At first we chase it but thereafter it follows us and clings relentlessly to our breathless lungs. We hate this sin but can’t let go. Does that feeling sound familiar; it does to me. "(This sin) It sticks to me, It flows in my veins, It fills my heart. It has slipped in everywhere, as darkness slips into the forest at dusk And fills all the patches of light." And finally we turn to God and bow our heads in shame. Not able to look at him, not able to look at the sin or the pointing fingers around us , but the important thing is at last we have turned back to Him. "I dare make no more promises, I can only lie bowed before you." God is love Fear not Gods response is always love. Nothing will ever be more and nothing can ever be less. "Come, son, look up. Isn’t it mainly your vanity that is wounded? If you loved me, you would grieve, but you would trust. Do you think that there’s a limit to God’s love? Do you think that for a moment I stopped loving you? But you still rely on yourself, son. You must rely only on me. Ask my pardon And get up quickly. You see, it’s not falling that is the worst, But staying on the ground." em Click the read more button for the entire excerpt...:) Today I was simply moved by the words of a 19th cent French priest Michel Quoist. His words flow like lyrical Shakespearean poetic prose that echo out from the depths of a searching heart.
His words ring true and pure and are as raw as some of the toughest Psalms of David. They touch the exposed edges of our pain and reason where most of us hide. I will post his words here for it may move you the way they moved me; not to a point of self- reproach but of clarity and peace in our onward march to heaven. IN Summary Here Michel is screaming out from a point of exhaustion, his opening line is the cry we often utter to our savior when we get to what we think is the end of our rope. Lord, why did you tell me to love all men, my brothers? I have tried, but I come back to you, frightened… Lord, I was so peaceful at home, I was so comfortably settled. This the point where we say to God why did you tell me to go there or do this task, it is too much, i'm scared, I don't think I'm up for it. The point when Moses says"But I am slow of speech and heavy of tongue"(Exodus 4:10) and David probably though "I am but a sheep herder, not a king"...and so many other characters such as Ruth, Gideon, Abraham. Nonetheless his conclusion rings true and brings peace to our worries: Don’t worry, God says, you have gained all. While men came in to you, I, your Father, I, your God, Slipped in among them Extract from Prayers of life by Michel Quoist (p90-91) Lord, why did you tell me to love all men, my brothers? I have tried, but I come back to you, frightened… Lord, I was so peaceful at home, I was so comfortably settled. It was well furnished, and I felt cozy. I was alone, I was at peace. Sheltered from the wind, the rain, the mud. I would have stayed unsullied in my ivory tower. But, Lord, you have discovered a breach in my defences, You have forced me to open my door, Like a squall of rain in the face, the cry of men has awakened me; Like a gale of wind a friendship has shaken me, As a ray of light slips in unnoticed, your grace has stirred me… and, rashly enough, I left my door ajar. |